The Journey To Adopting Krislynn Joy

Hello from a very excited Morris Family!!!

     I know many of you have not heard the “Krissy story” and there are a couple of reasons for that.  (1) I have been super-busy these past couple of years!!!  And (2) There are privacy laws that restrict certain kinds of information that can be given out about foster children.  Now that Krisslyn Joy is ALL OURS, I am going to tell you the story.  My hope is that you, our beloved friends and family, can join me in the joy of her adoption and partner with me as I raise this precious little girl.

      In late 2011, I attended a seminar about foster & adoptive care at my church.  I had long desired to be a foster parent, but my divorce 4 years prior had left me sure that I was no longer in the “category” of people allowed to do that!  I was drawn to attend the seminar anyways by the announcement that it was also for those willing to assist OTHERS who were called to serve the Lord in this way.  Surely, I could help other foster parents, I thought!  Little did I know that God would speak to me there….LOUDLY.  That had only happened one other time in my life!  Through the speakers and another foster parent I talked to that day, I very clearly heard God calling me to be a foster parent for medically fragile children in Fresno County.  I reasoned that my experience as a pediatric home care nurse could be of help to kids with medical needs who were temporarily separated from their parents.  And I could be part of the reunification team to help train parents about their child’s medical needs so they could be better cared-for when they went home!

     I completed my foster care classes in March of 2012, and passed my home inspection in April.  I anxiously awaited the “magic call” from a social worker, but the only calls I was received were for placement of babies without medical issues.  After about 8 such calls (some in the middle of the night), I was considering giving in and taking a “regular” baby.  But, I stuck to the calling I felt God had given me, and was rewarded 3 months later with a phone call.  “We have a 3-week-old girl in the hospital with spina bifida”.  Tears started falling down my face.  I had hoped to get a baby, but I had told Fresno County I was willing to take children up to age 5.  And Aislynn and I were praying for a girl, but I was willing for either gender. 

     When I first met Krissy, I fell in love.  The NICU nurse described her as a “very good baby”.  She was the only one in her unit who never cried.  She was a chubby 9 pounds, and her cheeks were awesome.  She was not moving her legs much, and they were unsure about her mental status.  She was drug-exposed in utero, and was also prenatally diagnosed with hydrocephalus. 

 

                 

     Over the next 12 months, I learned what it was like to be a foster parent.  Along with the time-consuming duties of caring for an infant with multiple medical needs (and my other 4 kids), I was taking Krissy to medical and therapy appointments, entertaining social workers in my home, and visiting with her biological mom 3 times a week.  Add to that my first year home-schooling my oldest child, and you’ll understand why I was exhausted!!!  But I was also having the time of my life, learning lots, and meeting some amazing people in the foster care and spina bifida “worlds”.  And God was stretching me…To view Krissy’s mom with compassion and treat her with respect.  To voice concerns and advocate for the child with whom I had been entrusted.  To ask questions and research conditions and treatments I was not familiar with. 

     Before Krissy had even been placed with me, I had multiple people tell me, “I could never be a foster parent because it would break my heart when I had to give the child up”.  I thought about that phrase a lot, and I understand what people are expressing.  But I just kept thinking, “If these babies don’t get someone healthy to bond with in the first year, it can result in failure to thrive and unhealthy attachment for the rest of their life!  I am an adult.  If my heart is broken at the end of my time as a foster parent, I have done my job.  I have given that child the gift of unreserved love.”  Little did I know that when Krissy was less than 1, I would be asked if I would consider adopting her. 

     My initial response was of excitement, but it was quickly replaced by uncertaintly.  I LOVE this little girl, but I am a single parent.  I had never wanted to be a single parent to my kids, so is it fair to bring another child into that situation?  My kids had already demanded her adoption, despite the fact that I had explained to them that foster care means eventually giving them back to their family of origin.  My kids loved her, and they each had their own special relationship with her.  Jaden (13) had been home-schooled her first year of life, had spent lots of time with her, and overheard much of what was going on simply by fact of being present during social worker visits and doctor appointments.  He would staunchly say, “She IS going to walk one day.  I’m going to teach her.”  Titus (10) was Krissy’s cuddle-partner.  His gentle and calm mannerisms with her led to her “requesting” him by putting her arms up in the air when he was nearby.  This made him feel like a very special big brother.  Noah (9) was king of making Krissy laugh.  His goofy antics entertained her and instigated a giggle in a second flat.  He is also good as sharing his popcorn with little sis (a favorite food of them both!).  Aislynn (6) is giddy over finally having a sister!  She waited 12 long months before Mommy finally felt comfortable moving little sis into her room.  She gave Krissy the mint green wall, while she kept the lavender side. 

    After several months of prayer, Bible-searching and seeking wise counsel (yay for all the wise people around me!!!), I agreed with my kids that adopting Krissy was God’s will.  My insecurities about being a single parent to Krissy were calmed by Psalm 68: 5-6a “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.  God sets the lonely in families.”  Another verse that has encouraged me is 2 Timothy 1:5 “I have been reminded of your sincere faith, which first lived in your grandmother Lois and in your mother Eunice and, I am persuaded, now lives in you also.”  This true faith in our Heavenly Father is my prayer for ALL my kids, and now that has been expanded to include my daughter Krislynn Joy.  

     Many have asked questions about Krissy’s medical conditions, and others have been afraid to ask.  I will give a brief synopsis here, but please feel free to ask me questions in person!  There is no question I will not answer, as I do not believe there is anything embarrassing or shameful about my daughter.  Education, exposure, and having a mind like our Creator are what bridge the gap between those with medical conditions and physical disabilities and those who are able-bodied and healthy.  My hope and prayer for Krissy is that she will grow up with lots of people around her who acknowledge that she needs some accommodations, but are not intimidated to invite her to their kids’ birthday parties and sleepovers.  I want her to be included in activities, and be respected for her gifts and abilities (we already see that she has a social personality, and has the gift of SMILING J).  I want people to talk to her, not in front of her, when she is old enough to speak for herself.  And I look forward to watching her shine for Jesus through the ups and downs of her life and inspire us all!  If you are not “into” medical jargon, feel free to skip this next few paragraphs.

          Krislynn was born with spina bifida (Latin: “split spine”), which is a birth defect that affects the spine and spinal cord.   When she was born, her back was open 6x6 cm, with her spinal cord exposed.  Doctors surgically “sewed her backside up”, but she has permanent nerve damage to her legs, bowels and bladder as a result (similar to other spinal cord injuries).  Krissy is fortunate that it only affected her lower spine, as some babies have much larger defects that can leave them unable to sit up or move their legs at all.  As I write this, she is 19 months old, and has already blown the doctors away with her abilities.  I was told that she would only be able to “army crawl”, but last week this spitfire girl climbed up a play structure at the park, all the way to the top of the slide!  We are unsure at this point whether she will walk independently.  That story has yet to be told!

     Along with spina bifida, Krislynn was also born with hydrocephalus (“water on the brain”).  This is a common co-occurring condition with spina bifida that results because the “drain pipe” of the brain does not develop correctly.  The treatment for this condition is to place a tube in the brain that drains out the extra fluid on an ongoing basis so the pressures stay normal.  The docs do not believe Krissy has any neurological deficits from the hydrocephalus, as it was treated immediately and was relatively mild at the time of her birth.  Praise God!

     My precious K was also born with a cleft palate, which is a hole in the roof of her mouth.  Her defect made it VERY hard for her to eat.  In the early months, we spent an hour drinking 1/3 of a bottle, and had to pour the rest down her feeding tube.  It was such hard work for her!  And then we did more testing, and discovered she had a swallowing problem that was causing the liquids to go down into her lungs.  That meant no more bottles after 3 months of age.  The good news is that when she had her cleft palate fixed at 11 months old, eating was an instant success!!!  She ate everything!!!  We went straight to table foods.  Drinking, however, has been a slower learn for her, but I would anticipate ditching her feeding tube altogether by the time she’s two.  J

          So, what does her life look like going forward?  God is the one writing her story, but there are some things we know.  She will require surgeries throughout her life to replace/lengthen the shunt in her head.  She will also require surgeries throughout her life to release her spinal cord as she grows and it gets “tethered” to her spine.  Aside from surgeries, she will continue working on her leg strength in physical therapy and home exercises.  She will receive equipment for mobility as needed (leg splints, walkers, wheelchairs).  She will have her bowel and bladder needs monitored by a team of doctors at the Spina Bifida Clinic at Children’s Hospital.  She will continue toddler group once a week at EPU (for cognitive development) and will start ½ day preschool in Fresno Unified when she turns 3.  She will fight to meet her potential, AND she will be cheered on by her forever family every step of the way!  And as part of our family, she will have all the “rights and privileges” of being in our family, which include going camping, playing on the trampoline, swimming, and doing chores. J  We couldn’t be more thrilled!

 

 

     Many of you are also curious about Krissy’s bio mom.  I am pleased to have a good working relationship with her, and I plan to continue contact with her family of origin.

 

     Thank you for joining in our excitement and for all your encouragement and support these past couple of years!!!  People often comment that they don’t know how I “do it alone”, but I know that is ANYTHING but the truth.  I appreciate all your kind words, smiles and prayers, along with all of you (family and friends) who help me in so many practical ways!  WE ARE SO BLESSED!!!!!!!